I once knew a guy from South Philly named Denny Capriotti. He was a former Golden Gloves boxing champ turned, ahem, "collection agent." Everybody called him Knuckles. There were two certainties whenever you hit the town with Knuckles and his crew: 1) You were gonna get drunk, and 2) you were gonna get into a brawl. Sometimes we were the ones savagely beaten, but most of the time—due in large part to Knuckles’s proficiency in the sweet science—the other guys got the worst of it.

I lost touch with Knuckles in my early 20s, around the time I realized my future lay in rearranging words, not faces. To this day, though, I still credit him with teaching me some extremely valuable lessons. He gave me pearls of wisdom like “never take a swing at someone when you're wearing a nice watch." He'd had too many bands break on him and wanted to spare me the pain. Another of his: "Never go bowling in shorts." This one I can't explain, but I know instinctively that it's true. And Knuckles gave me one more rule that has become one of the primary guiding principles of my close personal relationship with alcohol. To wit: "Drink like a fucking man, man!"

As it turns out, though, this extremely simple rule is not always so simple to follow. Where exactly do you draw the line when it comes to separating manly from metrosexual? Or separating metrosexual from something you might see Steven Cojocaru sipping at a Gaultier show after-party during Fashion Week? (And believe me we know, if you’re the sort who might actually be at a Gaultier after-party during Fashion Week, then you don’t need us to tell you how to drink.)

There used to be a phenemonal radio station in LA called Indie 103.1 FM, where I used to do a minute-long daily segment called "High Spirits." It was sponsored by the fine folks at Beam Brands and, as you probably surmised, the subject matter was all the adult beverages we love so much. Then, one day, seemingly at the height of the station's popularity, it was gone. No more Jonesy's Jukebox, or guest deejays such as Henry Rollins and the Chemical Brothers. Dave Navarro's show bit the dust, too. Surreal, but sadly, it happened.

(Sigh) I miss Indie 103.1... almost as much as I miss getting paid to talk about booze on the coolest station in LA.

(sigh again).

Here's a High Spirits segment that aired around the holidays two years ago. A tippled twist on a classic holiday poem... enjoy!

Okay, this is without a doubt my all-time favorite episode of the show.

It's just sooooo wrong. And yet so right.

Guest is porn star Kagney Linn Karter. We drink cocktails made with 42 Below, Van Gogh and Stoli. But mostly we talk about sex. Really raunchy talk about sex.

Kagney Linn Karter is a contract girl with Zero Tolerance Entertainment. She started erotic dancing in Missouri and was named the state's Déjà Vu Showgirl of the Year in 2007. She moved to California to pursue a mainstream acting and singing career. That didn't work out so well, so she entered the adult film industry instead in 2008.

Her real name is Kagney Linn (her father was a big James Cagney fan). She chose Karter as her surname because it "just fit perfectly." She was the Penthouse Pet of the Month for June 2009, and appeared on the covers of Hustler in April 2009 and Adult Video News in June 2009.

She also graced the cover of Holly Randall's photo book, "Erotic Dream Girls," published in October 2009.

For the second consecutive year my friends at Gayot.com have asked me to write up a list of my ten favorite vodkas, and for the second consecutive  year poor Popov vodka didn't make the cut. Despite being very impressed with Popov's amazing "unbreakable" bottle, customer loyalty (mostly homeless people) and the $4.99 price tag, I just couldn't bring myself to include a brand on a top ten list that tastes so much like the sweat from a gorilla's ball sack. (And in case you're wondering how I happen to be familiar with the taste of overheated primates genitals, well, let's just say I've been around the block a few times, okay?) One good thing I can say about Popov, though, is that it's the ONLY vodka I've ever featured in a short film (see below).

When you're finished watching the Popov video, CLICK HERE to see the complete Gayot.com list of the ten best vodkas on the market, which includes some old stand-bys (Grey Goose, Kauffman) along with a few surprises (if I listed them here, then they wouldn't be surpises anymore, now would they?)

I invite you to post your thoughts on the list in the comments thread. In fact, I DARE you to... punk.

Budem zdorovy!

Enormously popular LA food blogger Caroline Pardilla of CarolineOnCrack.com paid a visit to The Imbiber Show studios to chat with Stretch and I about drinking and dating.

Caroline posted something really flattering about her experience with us in her blog -- "The Imbiber Show: Raunchy Cocktail Talk at Its Best." Very sweet of her, to be sure.

We drank cocktails made with Three Olives Vodka. They were tasty.

How about a nice salad?

No, I didn't think so. Don't take this the wrong way, but people who read about about wines, spirits, cocktails and imbibery in general, aren't usually tripping over each other up trying to be first in line to the arugula.

And yet, there are all those farmers' markets, where you should probably buy something. And you do need roughage; everybody says so. So, herewith, a reason to buy cucumbers. And in bulk.

Heretofore, a great many people I happen to know in the spirits game have relied completely upon Hendrick's gin for their cucumber intake. Lovely stuff, Hendrick's. Made with actual roses as a botanical, too, but the cucumber is just a grace note, and can't really be counted as a vegetable item for your dinner.

On the other hand, the Lucky Jim is the perfect way to get some green into your system without resorting to parsley-soy shakes. Readers of a certain age will recognize the name Lucky Jim as the novel that made Kingsley Amis famous. Readers below a certain age will recognize the name Amis as belonging to Martin, Kingsley's son. Non-readers won't recognize anything, which is so often the case. You know who you are. Whom.

During a recent visit to Glasgow I dropped by a pub called Lebowski's, where they serve 19 different versions of the White Russian. This simple yet utterly delicious cocktail - consisting of Kahlúa, vodka and cream - has yielded some inspired reinterpretations. The following recipes "reconstruct" the original cocktail in innovative ways, teasing out the original recipe's finest assets. I think the Dude would dig 'em.

Max's White Russian
Created by Mixologist Fred Dexheimer for Max Brenner
Available at Max Brenner in New York City and Philadelphia

1 part Kahlúa
1 part Absolut Vodka
2 parts white chocolate (served on the side in a shot glass)

Directions:
Pour Kahlua and Absolut Vodka over ice and shake. Transfer chilled mixture to a rocks glass. Serve with a side of melted white chocolate. Pour chocolate to taste.