Like many of you, I'm stuck living with expensive tastes in an insolvent pecuniary state. What sets me apart is that I'm a shameless bottomfeeding whore important member of the international media whose job entails getting loaded on liquor companies' dimes scrupulously sampling adult beverages provided as bribes gratis and without condition, so that I may curry favor with the brand and get offered an all-expenses-paid trip to the distillery in Europe offer an unbiased report to you, the consumer. On occasion, the spirits I am fortunate enough to sample are insanely fucking expensive a bit on the pricey side.

Such is the case with the Glenmorangie Pride 1981, an extremely rare limited edition 28-year-old whisky (only 100 bottles were made available in the U.S.) released last April that comes in a Baccarat crystal decanter housed inside an elegant wooden coffret from the Netherlands. Retail price: $3,600 a bottle.

Now, look, I'm not gonna sit here like a pompous asshole and tell you the Pride 1981 is worth every penny, because I happen to appreciate the fact that a penny's worth differs greatly across this great Land of Economic Disparity. I can tell you this, though, if anyone ever offers you a dram of the stuff for free, get down on your knees, pucker up, and kiss their arse. For sipping the Pride 1981 must surely rate among the most sublime and satisfying experiences of any Scotch drinker's lifetime. It's just so... intense. A myriad of flavors, from apples to melons to chocolate milk. Coconut and leather and lemon meringue, too. And it's got more backbone than Paul Bunyon. Doesn't overwhelm the palate, though, because Master Distiller Dr. Bill Lumsden is as adept at creating balance in a whisky as anyone in the business.

So cheers to the Glenmorangie, for hooking up me up like a muthafuckin PIMP giving the world (or, at least the top 1% of it) a truly magnificent fortified liquid.

For more on the Pride 1981 visit www.glenmorangie.com