2007

Isn't It Nice When Everyone's Just So Darn Happy?

D-
Your
column today was LOL. I was on the R5 going into Philly at 6 a.m.-- go birds!
-Paul Dimuzio


Dan-
Funny,
cleverly written piece! The Elton John/colors remark was pretty droll. Nice job. Maybe I'll make one of these for my wife who does drink a cosmo, or classic martini.
-John



Dan,
I couldn’t be more pleased about what happened to Bill Belichick these past couple of days. I'm a life-long Pats fan and have never liked the guy, always thought people kissed his ass while he was nothing but a prick to everyone. Now he gets caught cheating, uses some pathetic excuse like he "misinterpreted" the rules, and as per usual blows off every question at his press conference. Hey Hoodie, you got pinched. At the very least, you owe the league and especially your fans to stand up there on the podium, apologize profusely, and answer all the questions put to you by a media that has contributed to your making millions of dollars. You dont say "It's past us. We're moving on." Terd. At least you took a hit in the iron for 500 large. That at least will make me feel a little better.
-Peter Veneziano
Melrose, MA
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Imbiber: A Shill for Sam Adams?

Dear Mr. Dunn,
I am writing to you with regards to an article that you had printed in the latest issue of the Metro. Now to begin with I would like to admit that I am not much of a reader of your paper. With that out of the way I must take offense at a very serious admittance within your article about the
perfect Labor Day beer. You wrote and I quote...."When it comes to downing ice cold brewskis only one brand (besides Budweiser) will do...Samuel Adams." Now while Samuel Adams is a good brewery with a lot of award winning beers they hardly constitute the majority of what is available in the craft brew market. Also within today’s growing market many people are even starting to question what defines a craft brewed beer? Of course this is all something completely off my point for writing. What I would have much rather seen is you highlighting some of the great beers of local small craft brewers. There are many fine beers to quench the summer thirst right in our own backyards. Flying Fish in Cherry Hill, NJ does a wonderful Farmhouse Summer Ale, Victory Brewing in Downingtown, Pa has some tasty summer beers. I could list more but I feel to sum up a point that by stating your article as you did about Budweiser & Samuel Adam you are hindering the wonderful small brewers that aren't afforded the money to launch million dollar ad campaigns to lure drinkers to their beers. No there are the few that craft delicious libations and depend upon the recommendations of informed drinkers to show what true beer flavor is all about. Thank you for allowing a wee bit of a rant to take place.
Sincerely,
Tobe Foxhill 

The Imbiber replies: Perhaps my support for Sam Adams makes it see as though I'm a shill for The Man, but the truth is I'm just a big fan of their beers. Always have been. I've had Victory, and it's very good. Problem is, my column runs in several markets here and abroad, which means I can't focus on products that are only available regionally. That said, I appreciate you taking the time to write me, and would greatly appreciate any other craft beer recommendations you can offer.
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Please Complain Responsibly

Dan, your football commentary is always welcome. However as a father and grandfather who has watched football since well before you were born, please accept my word that the sport is easily enjoyed without booze. Since I have friends and family who are members of Mr. Bill's club, I'm very sensitive to the glorification of drinking, and I do imbibe occasionally. I have offered a standing bet to my wife that on any given weekend a drunk driving death will be reported in either the Saturday or Sunday Inquirer. You could do worse than drop the focus on booze and stick to sports. If I were your editor you wouldn’t have published that article.
--Mark Splaver, Philadelphia

The Imbiber replies: You’ll never see me advocate drinking and driving. My motto is, “When drinking to McNabb, take a cab.”
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Let's Help William Find a Bar

I read your article “Give these wines a spin” about NASCAR racing and I wanted help with a problem I’m having at McMennamin's Tavern on Germantown Avenue and Mt Airy Ave (in Philadelphia). It is a great bar and restaurant with many drinks and excellent food. One night I got drunk there and at closing time I got into an argument with two of the regulars who were asking me questions that were out of place. I like going there to drink because it’s close to my apartment. The bartender intervened, but not on my behalf and we then began arguing. He then kicked me out of the bar for a month because I was quite drunk. That was in the middle of June and I haven’t been back since. Give me advice on how I can go back or can you talk to the bartender for me so I can go there again?
Thanks a ton
-William


The Imbiber replies: This is a tough one, William, because pissing off a bartender at a drinking establishment that one really enjoys patronizing is a losing proposition. It simply can't end well -- either you get eighty-sixed from the joint altogether, or said bartender treats you like a Sunni cleric at a Shia Al-Mubahila celebration (look it up!). My suggestion would be, as always, to let the spirits guide you. In this case, the spirit I suggest is whisky -- a good single-malt Scotch, perhaps. Knock back a few snifters at home, then once you've mustered up enough liquid courage, head on down to McMennamin's Tavern with your head held high and your bloodshot eyes on the prize: A second chance. Tell that prickly bartender you're sorry for what happened, but that you only did what any self-respecting booze hound would have done when subjected to the sort of grief those clowns were giving you that fateful night in June ... and never mind that you were too wasted to remember what, if anything, they actually said to you. If that doesn't work, find a new bar -- last time I checked, Philly's full of good ones.
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The "Truth is Stranger Than Fiction" File

(Received the following note from my good pal, director extraordinaire Art Haynie)

DD-
I have made it to the illustrious Indiana State Fair. But I guess like any other day, its filled with bad news and good. The bad is, I'm missing the cockroach races. The good news - I made it for the American Cornhole Tournament finals!

I kid you not.

I forgot to mention, it's being sponsored by Dicks Sporting Goods.

And again, I kid you not.

-Art

cornhole

Imbiber note: According to Wikipedia, Cornhole is a game in which players take turns pitching small bags filled with corn (or sand or beans) at a raised platform with a hole in the far end.
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Here's a Reader Who Knows What She's Talking About

Dear Mr. Imbiber-
I just want to say you are the sexiest, most talented writer in the world. I read your column every week on the train into Manhattan, and it always makes me happy Keep up the good work!
-- Mindy Rausch

The Imbiber replies: Dearest Mindy, thank you for the compliment, but let’s be honest — Stephen King is a hell of a lot sexier than I am.
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Where Can I Smell the Four Roses?

Mr. Dunn,
Your article featuring
Four Roses bourbon on Friday, May 18th really caught my attention. Jim beam on the rocks with ginger ale is a favorite. I'd love to try the Four Roses. Do you know if it's available in the Philadelphia area? and if so, where?
Thank you.
Colleen Scheive

The Imbiber replies: Glad you enjoyed the column. I believe Four Roses is only available in Kentucky and NYC right now, but I'm told it should be available in Philly by this fall at the latest. Kinda cruel of me, I guess, to turn the Philly folks on to a bourbon they can't easily access. All apologies :)
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Surely, This Is Not What The Folks At Kellogg's Had In Mind

I just read your column on using vodka instead of milk on your morning breakfast cereal.  An excellent suggestion.  Thought I would let you know that I enjoy your column and will have to make a point of checking out your archives.

If you are interested, you might want to check out my website
www.thousandbars.com where I documented my drinking in 1000 different bars in a single year.  I still post to it occasionally when I do something that I think others might find interesting.
--Dan the Barman

The Imbiber replies: You should see what I do with my morning banana!


Oh, man, I was cracking up at the part about the vodka with the blueberry morning cereal. You have outdone yourself! But seriously, your articles are always very well written and provide an all-too-uncommon balance of information and humor. Please keep up the good work!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Patty McCree
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You Mind If We Dance Wit Yo' Dates?

You are quite interesting. I just read The Imbiber and thought it was hilarious. I am quite aware that you probably receive e-mails like this one all the time; however, I wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to people who are thinking about entering the highly competitive, oh so critical, world of writing.  Thanks.
-- Fawn Smith

The Imbiber replies: The name Fawn reminds me of “Animal House.” (Remember poor Fawn Leibowitz?) So, with that in mind, Fawn Smith, as of this moment, you are on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
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This Wine is Really Shitty ... No, Really!

SUBJECT: Dingleberry wine?
A friend just got back from out west (where) his mother had a bottle of “dingleberry wine.” Nobody has heard of this, nor can they find any. Is there such a thing as “dingleberry wine?” If so, where do you get it to prove she is not crazy?
--John Davidson

The Imbiber replies: Funny you should mention that, John …

Please write a book of recipes. I usually cut out all the ones you write that are printed, but had an accident and the box had to be discarded.
-- Kathy K

The Imbiber replies: Having an “accident” in a box is the first step in the production of dingleberry wine, served exclusively aboard transatlantic flights on the Queen Mary.
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Yes, I AM Somebody Important

P.J. O’Rourke mentions a Dan Dunn in the beginning of his "Eat the Rich" book.
I thought maybe it was you, was it?
-- Dave

The Imbiber replies: Yes. That's me. I met PJ in the 90s through the late Hunter S. Thompson. Sometime, maybe 1997, we were having adult beverages in Woody Creek, CO, and PJ mentioned borrowing the title of an Aerosmith song for his upcoming book. I pointed out that Motorhead also had a song called "Eat the Rich." Eight months later I received a signed copy of "eat the Rich" in the mail with the message: "Thanks for the tip." And the weird part about you bringing this up now is that I'm currently reading PJ's book, "All the Trouble in the World" ... and I haven't read any of his books since "Eat the Rich."
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I Never Claimed To Know What I'm Talking About

SUBJECT: It Happened in 1942?
It's a good thing I missed the sinking of the Queen Mary in 1942 or I wouldn't have been able to sail to Europe on it in 1955 and 1963, and stay in it more recently in its hotel manifestation in Long Beach, CA.
-- Tom Sullivan

It was the Normandie that sank in 1942, not the Queen Mary. As a journalist, you should always check your facts before you print an article.
-- Charles Ellis

The Imbiber replies: I drink for a living, and as a result it’s hard to keep the facts straight sometimes. The Onion knew this when they hired me … er, Metro … I work for Metro, right?
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When Tragedy Strikes, Let's Just Assume There's Always a Kennedy Involved

In your column yesterday, you forgot to include Congressman Patrick Kennedy. He crashed his car while drunk and tried to get out of it by claiming he had to be at the Capital for an important vote at 3am. Naturally, he went into rehab because he was a "victim". Ugh.
-- Greg Casey


NOTE: The following two letters concern a column I wrote about Don Julio tequila in which I erroneously reported that the Queen Mary sunk in 1942.
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Hey, It's the President of Mel Gibson's Fan Club

SUBJECT: Mel Gibson
You might want to stick to imbibing and steer clear of the smears. Listen pal, anti-semitism requires either discrimination against Jews or a deep seated dislike of Jews that is active and shows itself in attacks. You imply that Gibson is guilty of anti-semitism based on one statement (no, one statement does not qualify as a "rant"). OK, so where is the discrimination? Right, you don't have any of that. Where is the evidence of a deep seated dislike of Jews that is active and shows itself in attacks? You have some of that you say? You mean you are referring to the one single statement made by a man that has been under siege by the group he makes an ignorant statement about? You take this statement and not only jump to the incredibly simplistic assumption that he is an anti-semite but also PRINT such in a newspaper as if you know it is fact?
 
I say doing such a thing is not only preposterous but irresponsible. You are assuming a deep seated dislike for an ethnic group based on those words? OK, then riddle me this; applying the inferential leap, or PLUNGE, you make with Gibson, to your friends or people you actually know, let me ask: how many of them qualify as racists that hate blacks? Do you qualify? How many are anti-semites? Are you one? I could go on and on but I think you catch my drift. Your implication, and the outright statements made by others in the media, that Gibson is an anti-Semite based on this one piece of info, is so completely indefensible and illogical that I can only think of two reasons why anyone would make it: 1) they are a simpleton; or 2) they are trying to fit in or be accepted by certain people.
 
My beef is twofold. One, this is a smear. Only a fool would take Gibson's statement as PROOF that someone is an anti-semite. What it is, is a piece of evidence. One, single, teeny, weeny - piece of EVIDENCE. Period. I find it disgusting and personally offensive that anyone would imply or state as fact that a man is an anti-semite based on such. Secondly, it is an example of how the media and those in power create conventional wisdom that is FALSE (or at least unproven) yet, through force of repetition, accepted by enough people to skew thought and behavior. You might be thinking, 'I'm just a writer on my way up, I have no power'; well, you do have power, and in this case you are an unwitting(?) associate of people more powerful than you. I'm willing to bet that Jewish individuals in power who are hypersensitive want to put Gibson in the history books as an anti-semite. Their people publicize same, people desiring to get those folks approval repeat the act, or smear, and eventually it filters down to you at the Metro and, knowingly or not, you are now writing HISTORY that is not proven.
 
If you want to make your point about drunkenness, fine. If you want to say you think Gibson is an anti semite (although, again, I don't know how you can reach that conclusion legitimately) or that a lot of people think he is an anti-semite, or that he made bigoted statements, again, fine. But I think you and others are going WAY too far, that it is objectively undeniable that you are going too far, and that this represents a truly "annoying" and disturbing "trend."

-- Unsigned

The Imbiber says: “This guy – and I know it’s a guy because his note reeks of “man-crush” – is certainly entitled to his opinion, but I don't believe it's unreasonable to suggest that a man who told a police officer,  "Fucking Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," is an anti-semite.”
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I'm a Laugh Riot at Funerals, Too

As an avid reader of Metro I felt the urge to write you regarding your article "Resolve to lay off the booze in '07", something I would normally never do. To start I couldn't agree more with the point you made but more importantly truly enjoyed the way it was written. I have a theory that you should never take yourself too seriously and always maintain laughter even in the worst of times. The wit and dry humor that you portrayed was, in my opinion, truly spectacular.
Thanks for the smile this morning =) (Oh and your email has a typo in the paper, it spells your first name with two "N"s.)
-- Irit Gross

The Imbiber says: “Firstly, thank you for the note. Made me smile :) Secondly, the misspelling of my name has led to the dismissal of Metro's entire copy editing department. And two of the SOB's responsible for the mistake were taken out back and whipped. I'm kidding ... sort of.”
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