2006

The following are actual notes from actual readers. These notes have not been trimmed, spellchecked nor edited for content and/or coherency. Where appropriate, I've included links to the related blog ...
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Cabernets are the red ones, right?

Subject: Hi!
First of all, I love your column. My compliments to The Imbiber. Secondly, I wonder where a girl like me can take a wine-tasting course in NYC? A reputable place where I can learn my Cabernets from my Chardonnays. Thanks so much for your help, and keep up the great work.
Best,
Lia


The Imbiber says: Try this site ... http://www.localwineevents.com/New-York-City-Wine/ 
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Professor Dunn's Class is in Session

SUBJECT: Love Your Column!
Hey Dan! Just wanted to say that I read your column every week in the Metro and it's always my favorite part of the paper. It makes for a great laugh and I actually learn a lot from it, too. Keep up the great work!
-- Christine Lucas


Attorney General’s Warning: Knowledge gleaned from reading The Imbiber can be hazardous to one’s health. Please do not retain any information from an Imbiber column if you are pregnant, operating heavy machinery or suffer from occasional pangs of conscience and/or good taste.
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A Fellow Obessive Fan Chimes In

SUBJECT: U2's "Bad
I couldn't agree more with your assessment of U2's live version of “Bad.” (READ RELATED BLOG ENTRY) I've probably heard that song somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 times and it still gives me chills. Have you heard the 13-plus minute rendition where they tease “Ruby Tuesday” and “Walk on the Wild Side?” You also gotta check out the live version of “Sunday Bloody Sunday” where Bono waxes political about the civil unrest back in Ireland. You will NOT be disappointed.
-- Peter Veneziano

The Imbiber replies: The version of “Bad” you’re referring to, Peter, is from 1985’s Live Aid concert and yes, I’ve heard it … about 7,123 times. It’s my favorite version of all time. I should also note that Bono mixes in a little “Sympathy for the Devil” at the end, as well as a line from Lou Reed’s “Satellite of Love” at the very beginning. As for “Sunday,” there are numerous live versions out there in which Bono “waxes political” about the unrest in Northern Ireland, and no matter how many times I hear it, the message still resonates. I’ve seen the band live 38 times and counting, with a 39th show on tap Dec. 9th in Honolulu. It’s the final show of the Vertigo tour and the opening act is a little band you may have heard of called Pearl Jam. Okay, I just got a woody. And this calls for a shout-out to my gal Steph – WE’RE (still) ON TOUR, BABY!
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I'm Gunning for You, Mr. Boston

SUBJECT: Books
Please write a book of recipes, I usually cut out all the ones you write that are printed, but had an accident & the box had to be discarded. Yes, it was from following one that I liked very much, & now can't remember how to make it. Some of us still like to curl up with a drink & a good book, I'm sure yours would be a great one, & put “Mr. Boston” to shame! I'm single, so I'd like to surprise my guest with a new drink, & now my chances are very slim. Please keep up the good work, & I'll keep watching for new drinks!
--Thanks
Kathy K

The Imbiber replies: My two goals in life are to put Mr. Boston to shame and to make women happy, so if you want a recipe book, you got it! All I have to do now is find someone crazy enough to publish me :)
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I Know Where You can Get Some Kind Bud, Bud

I'm a fan of all your columns at the Metro and I read most of them whenever they appear.  When I read your article about Absente this morning, I decided to drop you a question about its illegal predecessor absinthe.  I'm not a huge drinker, but I have heard of the Green Fairy and I actually bought Absente and think its pretty good.  I apologize in advance if this question is the equivalent of asking someone "Do you know where I can get some good bud" but I figured I'd ask anyway, because you could easily ignore me or have me arrested.  Anyways, do you know of anywhere online that I could purchase the original thujone containing absinthe?  A site that would deliver it anywhere in the world discretely.  Anyways, thanks for any info and regardless of your answer or lack of, I'm still a fan
- Horatiu


The Imbiber responds: "Don't know of any websites where you can buy absinthe with potent/illegal in US amounts of thujone. However, I do know a guy who sells some seriously kind bud, so if you're ever in LA and in need, I'll hook ya up."
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Best Served with a Penicillin Chaser

Hey Imbiber - Love the site. My fiance John and I invented a little drinky-drink called “The Dirty Dildo.” Thought you might be mildly amused. One night I was making myself a Dirty Martini – and John said, “You’d think I would love martinis, but I fucking hate olives.” So I said, “Why don’t we try cocktail onions?” and he says, “No – better idea – Why don’t we try pickles?” So, I said, “Okay.” We used Trader Joe’s dill pickle juice, (not Vlassic or some other crap), and he loved it. So did I. We toyed with names for a few minutes and settled on the aforementioned. What’s good about the Trader Joe’s Dill Pickles is that they’re small – so if you snap one in half, it fits nicely into the martini glass. And they’re really just good pickles. Just in case you like pickles.

I threw him a birthday party not too long ago, and we coerced our friends into trying the beverage. Most thought it was vile. A few however, have been converted. I’d tell you to have a nice weekend – but I get the impression that your life is one long weekend, so there’s no point.
-- Best, Leigh Phillips
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Good Thing I Didn't Bag on Latinas, Too

SUBJECT: You idiot!
Dan, you are a first class dickhead. How dare you go to someone else's country and act the way you do.
(read related blog) No wonder the French hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You and other ugly Americans deserve all the nastiness you get (and more). You don't deserve to be given a passport. You give this country a bad name and considering what this administration has done, it doesn't really need "help" getting a worse name that what it already has. Do other countries a favor and DON'T TRAVEL. Spare the poor French and everyone else I might add your stupidness and grief. And just a reminder to you and every other American who conveniently forgets if it wasn't for the French you wouldn't have even won the revolutionary war. So get your history right and GET SOME MANNERS. You moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Susan Velasquez
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Take THAT, Susan Velasquez!

SUBJECT: Tell Susan Velasquez she is an idiot
Reason why she is an idiot, the French really had nothing to do with the US gaining independence. Sure they helped win Yorktown but that was not the end of the war. The reason the British gave up was they were fighting all over the globe and other Europeans - The Netherlands, France and Spain - at the same time. So Susan, shut the F up on your inacurate history lesson. At least Dan knows booze and can back his talk up.
-- John Harnois Boston, MA
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In Case You're Wondering Why the Economy's So Bad

SUBJECT: Here is a funny one for ya, Dan.
A bunch of people from Oppenheimer and Co. went out after work to the Jose McIntyre’s Block Party on a Thursday Night a few years back and a buddy of mine, we'll call him "Big Larr" to hide his true identity got really drunk at the party. After we blew out of that joint we went to Joe's Bar and Grill on the waterfront where for some reason "Big Larr" came out of the bathroom at the front door entrance got into a 3-point football stance and proceeded to take out one of the high tables at the front windows while there were still people sitting at the table. Figuring that, this might have woke some people up to simmer down, but not "Big Larr" on this night for he was a wrecking ball. Needless to say, that when we arrived for work the next morning, the big man was not there. He ended up passing out on the D-Green-Line train, missing his stop and took it to the end of the line at Riverside Train Station. He woke up the next morning, (still wearing his suit which was all ripped up I might add), sprawled out on the station's entrance steps with a dumpster being unloaded and placed not 10 feet from his head. He's lucky that there wasn't a client of his going to work to witness his respected financial advisor sleeping on a sidewalk at 8 AM.
-- Guzaking
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There's Always a Job for You Here, Rose

SUBJECT: I agree one must "Drink Yourself to Success"
It's so funny to read your article today (read related blog). I have experienced this myself this week. As a temp to perm receptionist for a very prestigious ad agency I decided I should not turn down offers to mingle after work while sipping cocktails. On Wednesday a young lady in the office celebrating her bday came to my reception area to tell me that they're all going to Blockheads after work. I said “okay sure, I'll join you guys.” After only now (as of today) having completed only three weeks of employment I wasn't sure of the repercussions or impressions. Afterall I'm not perm yet. Of course I wouldn’t (and didn't) overdrink or skip out on my tab, but I was worried that it could be associated far more negatively than positively. Well, all I can say is socially it was a step in the right direction. Now, I have six people coming to my reception area as they step off of the elevators in the morning to give me a more personalized hello and showing more interest/ interaction. I am no longer just "the temp girl." I have a name now. While I may not be perm yet, at least I feel like more of an insider now. So, yes your article is true. Social drinking establishes, builds and maintains relationships critical to even the simplest position- which in turn opens tons of more opportunities.
Temp Ladder Climber,
-- Rose Jeffries
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Imbiber Readers: Bad-Asses with Great Asses

SUBJECT: The bar mishap to end all bar mishaps
I'm sure you've received all manner of emails re: bar mishaps. Maybe they involve frat boys, no fear & keggers (snore). Or perhaps they're lascivious and involve bathroom sex (yawn). Maybe you've even received a few involving broken glass (one cliché after another). But the one I’m about to lay out on you involves women, roller-skates, concrete, metal and blood. lots and lots of blood.

There are some ladies in Clinton Hill who have a rollerskating club (called Sweet Action Skate Club) and after our weekly skate, we have ourselves a pint at a local dive called Rope. And one night, I was showing off a little too much and snagged my skate on a couch and went down. As my primary concern was avoiding the forced removal of my skates, I pretended not to be in any pain and skated back to my stool. It was only then that I realized that I’d left a TRAIL OF BLOOD in my wake. Cue: ambulance, stitches and pain meds.
 
Of course, we made our reparations to the poor soul who was charged with cleaning up my blood. And you can read about that here.
http://sweetactionskateclub.blogspot.com/2006/06/cuppycakes.html#links
 --Sincerely,
Marisa McCormick, aka “Our Lady Mess”
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In Desperate Need of a Proofreader

Dan from what I read your the only mishap (read related blog). How anyone wants to know  mishaps they should follow you around.  I owned a lounge for 35 yrs. I put a family member thru 4 yrs. of COLLEGE.  I’ve met politions doctors, & many people that came from familys whose name is on the N.Y. STOCK EXCHANGE.  Print this if your such a rocet sientist.
-- Bill

The Imbiber responds:
The lesson here, of course, is that people who live in glass houses without dictionaries should not throw stones. Despite issuing such a brazen challenge for me to print his scathing e-mail, "Bill" -- if that's even his real first name -- declined to provide his full name. Nothing worse that a shit-talking wussy, eh?
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Your Check is in the Mail, Rochelle

Hi, I think you are hilarious! I'm sitting here reading your "Fairwell, Wine Month" article (read related blog) and I'm in tears with laughter... Thanks!! I just recently started work in CC Philly where the Metro is distributed. I missed the rest of this wine series...I would love to get the other articles. It's funny because I just watched the movie "Sideways" last night. I love wine but no nothing about them and keep saying I'm going to take it up as a hobby but life keeps getting in the way. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed your article today.
Thanks again!!
-- Rochelle Primas
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A Guy Who Should Spend More Time Frequenting Burger King

SUBJECT: Seize the Bull
This is why I rarely read the Metro - the first issue printed in Philadelphia had a story about a robbery and killing at a Burger King restaurant in "the city."  Unless the reader knew that the district attorney mentioned in the article happend to be the DA of either Manhattan or Brooklyn (I don't recall which), the reader would have assumed that the story was in Philadelphia.  The location was never mentioned.  This same error recurs often in stories in the Metro -  details are deleted in the interest of space, but those details are absolutely necessary to understand the story.  If space is needed, might I suggest limiting Dan Dunn's columns?  If I want to hear a frat boy's rambling, drunken analysis of anything, I'll go to homecoming.
-- David Roscher
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Another Unsatisfied Customer

SUBJECT: The Imbiber/The Idiot
It's no coincidence the two titles are so similar. His first column that I read annoyed me, but was quickly forgotten. The one about travelling in France made my skin boil, but I honestly believed that the backlash from such abominable stupidity would be so voliminous as to inspire his immediate termination. Obviously, this was not the case, as Mr. Dunn's latest contribution just highlights further his idiocy. I am ashamed that he has to gall to attach his 'approval' to p.i.n.k. vodka, as the inventor of it is a personal friend
(see related blog). I'm sure he would be horrified to think of Dunn as an unsolicited spokesperson for his wonderful product. As utterly deficient as Dunn seems to be, I would hope that the homophobic peer pressure might dissuade Dunn from further consumption. Susan Velasquez hit the nail on the head (something I wish I could do to Mr. Dunn) in her response, and while I wish he WOULD move to France, I wouldn't wish his presence on such a great nation as is theirs, either. And by the way (as you would assume any one who prided themself on being at all knowledgeable in the realm of alcohol) Schnapps it Belgium. But please, don't go there, either. We're better off keeping you local, so as to disallow you the opportunity to further tarnish the American reputation.
Sincerely,
Deborah Fenker, Manhattan

The Imbiber responds:
Since I'm feeling generous today, Deborah I'll humor you. Truth is, I was entertained by everything you wrote, especially that bit about your skin boiling. But I want to set the record straight: The attention I gave to p.i.n.k. was most certainly solicited. In fact, a rep from their marketing team practically begged me to write about their vodka. The lesson here, of course, is be careful what you wish for ... as for wanting to hit me on the head, I'd gladly meet up with you to let you take your best shot but, alas, I live in Los Angeles. If you're ever in the neighborhood, though, look me up :)
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Let's Just Say I Stumbled Into It ...

Dan, You're my idol. What series of events lead to your employment as "The Imbiber?"
-- Peter Tucker
(read related blog)
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If Only We All Had Neighbors Like This

Back in 1985, my neighbor passed away. In her will she left us (among other items) a large Wine Rack filled with of course, Wine. Since 1985 I have not sampled any of the Wine, I have rotated the bottles because I heard that was a correct thing to do, but have not investigated the history of any of the Wine, which many date back to the 1950-1960's. Could you recommend a Web Site so that I could investigate the history and/or value of these Wines?
Thanks,
Matthew J. Mitchell


The Imbiber replies: Rotating doesn't seem necessary as the less you interact with the bottle the best it is for the wine in it. As for web sites, check on the following two:
http://www.christies.com/departments/overview.asp?DID=61
http://www.zachys.com/commerce/home.asp
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