15/05/08 15:19
Blog Disappointment
By Barry Smith
Www.barrysmith.com
If you Google "Barry Smith Jesus," the first three web pages that come up will be mine. Try it if you don't believe me.
This is only noteworthy because I think the majority of the people who search for "Barry Smith Jesus" are not looking for me, but for the late Barry R. Smith, a well-known evangelist from New Zealand. He wrote many books on the return of Jesus, the apocalypse, prophecy, heaven, hell – your basic evangelical topics. Among the cheery titles are "Warning," "Second Warning," and "Final Notice."
According to Barry R. Smith, Jesus is going to be pretty pissed when He gets here. I, on the other hand, wrote a comedy show a few years ago about living in the basement of a man I thought was Jesus. Usually, though, I write about the exciting world that is me, and along the way I try to make as many bad puns as possible.
Oh, and I also wrote a poetry book called "Ode To Mustard."
So you can see where someone looking for the spiritual insight provided by the OTHER Barry Smith might be somewhat disappointed to find me. And not necessarily vice versa.
In a further effort to write about me, I, like everyone on the planet who can type, maintain a blog. On this blog I can access a detailed list of not only how many people have read my blog on any given day, but also exactly what they typed into Google to get them there.
I save that list, and I study it, and am starting to think that the people who found me by searching for "Barry Smith Jesus" aren't the only ones disappointed.
For example:
Searched for: "zit" - I'm pretty sure that the person who did a search for "zit" was looking for some information on acne - cause, treatment, prevention, etc...and NOT for a really close up picture of a zit that I had last summer. Sorry.
Searched for: "burned eyelashes" - Very similar to the "zit" search, I'd imagine. Someone looking for comfort, remedy or medical advice. Instead they get a story about me trying to light gasoline when I was a kid and the resulting eyelash scorching. Look, I never claimed to be a doctor, people. If you need professional help, look elsewhere. If you need pictures and commentary of, say, funny toilet signs, come to me.
Searched for: "pile of bricks" - OK, so if this person was looking for a picture of a pile of bricks, they came to the right place, as I do have, for various (hilarious) reasons, such a picture on my blog. But I can't imagine what would inspire a person to do a search for "pile of bricks" in the first place. And I'm afraid that whatever state of mind this person must have been in that would cause them to do such a search, well...even finding a picture of a pile of bricks probably didn't help. Unless, of course, "Pile Of Bricks" is a band that I've never heard of. In which case, yep...disappointment.
Searched for: "best friend application" - When my best friend moved away I thought, hey, wouldn't it be funny if you looked for friends the same way you hire employees? So I created my own personal best friend application and stuck it on my blog. You know...as a (hilarious) joke. However, at least once a day someone types "best friend application" into Google and ends up clicking on my take on such a silly concept. But I don't think they are looking for jokes. I think they're looking for a best friend. For real. But by clicking on me all they get is disappointment, depression and solitude. Oops.
Searched for: "black squirrel" - Lifespan? Diet? Scientific name? Habitat? Name of the opening band on the "Pile Of Bricks" U.S. tour? Sorry, wrong site. I don't suppose a blurry picture of a black squirrel I took in Canada will help, huh? No? I thought not. Sorry.
Searched for: "milk foamers" - It's too bad I've already made the "band name" joke twice, because, well...ladies and gentlemen ... from London, England...please put your hands together for...The Milk Foamers!
Searched for: "funny toilet signs" - Finally! A satisfied customer.
By Barry Smith
Www.barrysmith.com
If you Google "Barry Smith Jesus," the first three web pages that come up will be mine. Try it if you don't believe me.
This is only noteworthy because I think the majority of the people who search for "Barry Smith Jesus" are not looking for me, but for the late Barry R. Smith, a well-known evangelist from New Zealand. He wrote many books on the return of Jesus, the apocalypse, prophecy, heaven, hell – your basic evangelical topics. Among the cheery titles are "Warning," "Second Warning," and "Final Notice."
According to Barry R. Smith, Jesus is going to be pretty pissed when He gets here. I, on the other hand, wrote a comedy show a few years ago about living in the basement of a man I thought was Jesus. Usually, though, I write about the exciting world that is me, and along the way I try to make as many bad puns as possible.
Oh, and I also wrote a poetry book called "Ode To Mustard."
So you can see where someone looking for the spiritual insight provided by the OTHER Barry Smith might be somewhat disappointed to find me. And not necessarily vice versa.
In a further effort to write about me, I, like everyone on the planet who can type, maintain a blog. On this blog I can access a detailed list of not only how many people have read my blog on any given day, but also exactly what they typed into Google to get them there.
I save that list, and I study it, and am starting to think that the people who found me by searching for "Barry Smith Jesus" aren't the only ones disappointed.
For example:
Searched for: "zit" - I'm pretty sure that the person who did a search for "zit" was looking for some information on acne - cause, treatment, prevention, etc...and NOT for a really close up picture of a zit that I had last summer. Sorry.
Searched for: "burned eyelashes" - Very similar to the "zit" search, I'd imagine. Someone looking for comfort, remedy or medical advice. Instead they get a story about me trying to light gasoline when I was a kid and the resulting eyelash scorching. Look, I never claimed to be a doctor, people. If you need professional help, look elsewhere. If you need pictures and commentary of, say, funny toilet signs, come to me.
Searched for: "pile of bricks" - OK, so if this person was looking for a picture of a pile of bricks, they came to the right place, as I do have, for various (hilarious) reasons, such a picture on my blog. But I can't imagine what would inspire a person to do a search for "pile of bricks" in the first place. And I'm afraid that whatever state of mind this person must have been in that would cause them to do such a search, well...even finding a picture of a pile of bricks probably didn't help. Unless, of course, "Pile Of Bricks" is a band that I've never heard of. In which case, yep...disappointment.
Searched for: "best friend application" - When my best friend moved away I thought, hey, wouldn't it be funny if you looked for friends the same way you hire employees? So I created my own personal best friend application and stuck it on my blog. You know...as a (hilarious) joke. However, at least once a day someone types "best friend application" into Google and ends up clicking on my take on such a silly concept. But I don't think they are looking for jokes. I think they're looking for a best friend. For real. But by clicking on me all they get is disappointment, depression and solitude. Oops.
Searched for: "black squirrel" - Lifespan? Diet? Scientific name? Habitat? Name of the opening band on the "Pile Of Bricks" U.S. tour? Sorry, wrong site. I don't suppose a blurry picture of a black squirrel I took in Canada will help, huh? No? I thought not. Sorry.
Searched for: "milk foamers" - It's too bad I've already made the "band name" joke twice, because, well...ladies and gentlemen ... from London, England...please put your hands together for...The Milk Foamers!
Searched for: "funny toilet signs" - Finally! A satisfied customer.
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