Book 'em, Danno!
Thanks
to everyone who emailed me requesting more excerpts
from my book, "Nobody Likes a Quitter (and other
reasons to avoid rehab)." Really great to hear you're
digging the tome. May I also suggest BUYING THE
FRICKIN' THING!!! It's easy,
CLICK
HERE,
spend two minutes placing the order, and within days
a brand-spanking-new copy will be waiting on your
doorstep. In the meantime, here's a little
teaser...
Step
6: You know what they say about guys with small
chapters…
We were dead at Fox, and everyone from Polly Holliday
to Tracy Nelson to Nick Lachey’s personal trainer’s
assistant was threatening to sue me, so Fisher really
had to earn his ten percent of nothing to get me
another meeting in town. It wound up being at MTV,
where I met with a twenty-two-year-old African-American
development exec named Blake Shipley to discuss an idea
I had for a reality TV show called Ride My Pimp! — sort
of like The Amazing Race meets HBO’s Hookers and Johns.
Fisher thought the idea had legs, and that there’d be
ample opportunity for promotional tie-ins…mostly from
gun manufacturers and pharmaceutical companies that
specialize in penicillin.
I recall being excited when I learned that Blake
Shipley was black, because at that time, in yet another
misguided attempt at bettering myself, I’d taken to
incorporating “street” jargon into everyday
conversation. I’d found that when dealing with, say,
some of the more youthful magazine editors or folks
from the entertainment industry, simply tossing in a
few words and expressions co-opted from hip
underprivileged youth really added extra validity, or
“cred” as they say in the giddyack, to whatever message
I was attempting to convey. Fo-sniffle! Then again, I
also found that it didn’t always work out that way.
“We hired a market research firm to evaluate the show’s
prospects, and the results of a comprehensive study
were extremely encouraging, especially in the
highly-coveted 18- to 34-year-old male demographic,” I
told Blake, adding, “and the concept is the shiz-nit,
bee-otch!”
“Excuse me?” Blake said.
“You know...the shiz-nit. Abra-cadabra. Crescent fresh
as all get out. Dope. Da’Bomb.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not quite following,” said Blake,
his gaze drifting from my FuBu skully down to the
brand-new Malcolm X t-shirt I’d worn for the
occasion.
Feelin' Fine on Felton Road
By Dan Dunn
“I imagine biodynamic agriculture might seem a bit
wacky and excessive to the average bloke, but it seems
to be working for us,” says Nigel Greening, himself an
accomplished British-born musician who’s rubbed elbows
with guitar heroes such as Keith Richards and Eric
Clapton. Over a mostly liquid lunch recently, Greening
talked of how he abandoned his rock and roll dream long
ago, and in 2000 purchased the Felton Road winery in
the Central Otago region of New Zealand. Since then, he
and his winemaker Blair Walter have become rockstars in
the wine world, turning out award-winning pinot noir
year after year at their biodynamic property.
“We look at the winery as a single organism in which
everything we need is produced on site,” says Greening
of the biodynamic concept, which was developed in the
early 20th
century by the Austrian Renaissance man Rudolph
Steiner. The “wacky” stuff Greening alluded to includes
planting based on the lunar calendar, music in the
vineyards (apparently grapes dig The White Stripes) and
an elaborate ritual involving dung from lactating cows
that yields a “bacterial soup” used to feeds the vines.
“Again, we know it’s weird, but the results are hard to
quibble with,” he says.
No quibbling here. Felton Road’s just-released 2007
vintage pinot noir ($45) is a truly marvelous
achievement. Aged 11 months in French oak, the wine was
fermented with indigenous yeast and wasn’t filtered or
fined (a clarification process that involves agents
usually made from animal products – a no-no for
vegans!) Fans of classic Burgundies will fall in love
with this creamy delight, with its hints of chocolate
and leather. On a scale of one to ten, we give it an
eleven.
The Edison
108 W 2nd St
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 613-0000
Here's what CitySearch has to say about it:
Located near Harlem Place Alley--core of L.A.'s early 20th century music scene--this converted cocktail spot with a "Sherlock Holmes-post-industrial vibe" caters to the area's upscale-loft residents. According to project partners Marc Smith (Golden Gopher) and Andrew Meieran (Mercury Liquors), renovation efforts keep the 1910 Higgins Building's original structure intact, and that includes preserving many of the original boiler room features such as the enormous central power generator.
Kickin’
it with Kelli
Sushi
Roku’s “mixologist with the mostest”
Kelli Bautista
was the guest bartender mixing rum drinks on last
Friday’s Maxim Radio segment on the Stretch Show
(Sirius, Channel 108). Kelli was a hit, and lots of
listeners emailed to say they want more of her. I’m all
about giving the people what they want, so Kelli will
be back with us on the air this Friday, August 15th.
Oh, and in the meantime you should definitely check
this out (along with the another Kelli video a little
further down this page)…
thor
107 Rivington
Lower East Side, Manhattan
212-796-8040
It doesn’t get much more Lower East Side circa 2008 than this: Wading through TV/Movie shoot cables, wondering about the odds of getting caught stealing candy bars from the craft service truck, mentally composing debates about the name of the much-anticipated restaurant/lounge you’re seeking.
Thor. God of Thunder vs. the Asgard character from Stargate? Maybe, a longshot here, K. Thor Jensen, the poet? A quick burst of your usual post-literate “must give up Google” self-loathing and then you’re there, sliding into an igloo-like entrance while noting the interesting street-interface that belies the sleekness of the interior.
We are here because there are reports of spirits in this place. Actually, thor (the lower-case is their doing) is, among no doubt many other things, a leader in the “destination drinks” craze sweeping the Civilized World. Their specialty drinks menu includes more than a half-dozen creative libations rumored to induce celebration in all but the most snarky of nightlifersTo read the rest of it click here...
1.25 oz. B&B liqueur
1 oz. Grenadine
1 oz. Crème de Menthe
.25 oz. port
Peppermint chocolate powder
Freeze Grenadine and water into ice cubes overnight. Rim chilled rocks glass with peppermint chocolate powder and add Grenadine ice cubes. Put rest fo the ingredients in a shaker, shake well and strain over ice.
2 oz. Bombay Sapphire
1/2 cherry brandy
2 oz. pineapple juice
2 wedges of lime
Lemon drop sugar
Freeze pineapple juice into sphere shape the night before. Rim chilled martini glass with lemon drop sugar. Pour cherry liqueur into bottom of martini glass and muddle limes an cherry liqueur in a Boston glass. Add Sapphire and ice and shake. Place frozen pineapple ball into the martini glass and strain Sapphire and limes over it.
The emails keep pouring in about the unhinged adult beverage segment we do every Friday from 1-2 pm EST on the Stretch Show on Maxim Radio. For the uninitiated, “midget” is a term of endearment in Stretch-speak and is NOT intended to insult the vertically challenged among us…of course, if you were looking to insult an entire group, midgets would be a relatively safe way to go since they’re small and, thus, easily handled.
iPhones are Kink-y
Hey my midget—
Your site is badass, but the front page is extremely hard to read with a white background. It's killing my eyes. It might be my iPhone not loading it right. I laughed my ass of at you and Stretch today (July 8th show). It was great. I love rum. If you haven't tried it (but I bet you have) spiced rum and 7up. It's great with Captain Morgan. You can mix it half and half and it tastes like cream soda. Maybe not the first one, but the second will. Later midget!
-- Mike
(The Imbiber replies: Mike. I like. That you don’t. Use run-on sentences. But. A comma. Or two. Would help the flow. Of your missives. A little bit. Just a suggestion. Oh, and it’s not this site killing your eyes. It’s your iPhone. My midget!)
Stroh Kit
I don't think you can get the real stuff in this country, but next time you go to Europe try to find some Strohs Islander Rum in butterscotch flavor, and prepare to get knocked down. Later midget.
-- Rick Stambaugh
(The Imbiber replies: Thanks for the note, Rick. You're talking about Stroh Inlander Rum, which is from Austria. It's got a very high alcohol content. That shit will bang yer ass up!)
A Call for the Three Wise Men
I have been listening to Stretch since he came on board on Maxim Radio. Now that the merge (with XM) has happened and you two can get kinda nutty-kuku again, I think Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jim Beam should share the studio with u guys one Friday. A few triple shots of the three wise men and Stretch will sing and u will laugh harder than ever along with all us crazy-named listeners.
-- Basham
(The Imbiber replies: Having the Three Wise Men pay us a visit in-studio sounds like a fantastic idea… or an unmitigated disaster. Or both. Is there such a thing as BUI – Broadcasting Under the Influence? If so, does it apply to satellite radio? I’d like an answer please, people.)
Writin’ About Rioja
Regular visitors to this site may no doubt be aware
that the Imbiber recently traveled to Rioja to sample
the wares of that storied wine region. I chronicled my
adventures in north-central Spain for the esteemed
beverage journal, Patterson’s The Tasting Panel. Click
the "Dunn on Rioja" link below to check out a PDF of
the article from the magazine’s current (August) issue.
Dunn on Rioja
***wine reviews***
The grape: Grenache
What it tastes like: It tastes like what I imagine blood would taste like if I were a vampire whose victim has eaten a lot of plums and licorice.
What to serve it with: Phil Collins greatest hits (trust me on this). Gnocchi with chicken, sage, carmelized onions and truffle essence
Say this and sound smart: Grenache is the dominant variety in most Southern Rhône wines.
The price: $28
Imbiber rating: 91
The blend: 51 percent pinto noir; 49 percent chardonnay
Why you should buy it: Cuz it’s some damn tasty Champagne. The chardonnay grapes are from the Côte des Blancs. The pinot noir is grown in Montagne de Reims. A blend of 15 prestigious crus, aged six years.
What it tastes like: It’s creamy and has a little baked apple thing going on. It’s very well-rounded.
What to serve it with: crab soufflé… or frozen pizza in a pinch
Say this and sound smart: La Montagne de Reims est un ensemble géographique boisé, situé entre Reims et Epernay et bordé au nord, au sud et à l'est par des coteaux de vignes.
The price: $95
Imbiber rating: 90To read the rest of it click here...
Rum
Hottie
Tottie
Talkie
Friday,
August 15th, on our weekly segment on the
Stretch Show on Maxim Radio (Sirius,
Channel 108, 1-2 p.m. EST) we’ll be talking tequila and
gin and elderflower liqueur, and drinking all of it,
and relentlessly hitting on our in-studio guest
rum-tender,
Kelli Bautista, who is back by popular
demand.
Check out Kelli in this, uh, revealing
video.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION
ABOUT MAXIM RADIO
By Barry Smith
www.barrysmith.com
[Barry is on tour, performing his comedy shows across the US and Canada all summer long. Today's dispatch comes from Montreal, Canada...]
There's nothing quite like being really, really wrong.
I've been wrong on such a level so many times that you'd think I'd be used to it by now. For instance, back in 1999, I was a full believer in the Y2K scare. I had cases of tuna, buckets of beans, water filters, grain grinders (like I was going to become some post-apocalyptic wheat farmer or something). I might have even had a gas mask, but I'd prefer not to admit to such things. My friends who thought Y2K was a paranoid delusion perpetuated by internet nut-cases received my scorn, and I secretly marked them down on the "don't share tuna with" list.
As we know, Y2K came and went without any nuclear meltdowns, jets plummeting from the sky or worldwide martial law. The only lasting change is that Prince's "1999" can never listened to in the same way again.
Luckily, I like tuna.
But I was so very, very sure that the end was nigh. Everything that I use for finding my way - my intellect, my intuition, my keen sense of smell - they all told me that the doodie was about to hit the fan, and that I'd better have my duck jerky in a row for when it all goes down.To read the rest of it click here...
The Secrets of Chambers
K.D. Chambers is a writer/bartender/actress/astrologer living in Venice, CA, who has worked in and around the adult beverage biz for eight years. Plus, she was once expelled from Coronado High School for drinking, making K.D. a natural to write a blog about the in's and out's (mostly outs) of corner-bar boozing.
Never
Trust a Crack Addict
By K.D. Chambers
I've barely arrived for my 7pm shift at Jake’s Place
and Betty Page (the beautiful daytime bartender) warns
me that the crack addict du jour has apparently gone
off the rails. "He seemed cool at first," she says. Of
course he did (Cue Beethoven's 5th). Between guzzling
sessions he seems to have gone outside and transformed
into someone who is more twitching and distrustful than
your average “joe cool.” Crack will do that.
It’s clear he might – scratch that – WILL fly off the
handle at any minute, and Betty feels bad leaving the
dirty work to me in the event his demons decide that
the c-break wasn't enough to prevent a time-release
rageball in my direction.
It's Always Funny on
"Sunny"
And now here we are years later, "Sunny" is a huge hit
and Rob and Kaitlin, well, those sonsofbitches still
owe me money for the bar tab they skipped out on the
day we met. It's okay, though, cuz I know where to find
them...every day from 4-9 pm at a strip club down near
the airport.
YOU can find them on FX beginning this September when
"Sunny" returns with all new episodes. For now, you
simply must check out this hilarious promo for the
show, inspired by an LL Cool J
classic...
If Paris’s namesake Perez Hilton has taught us website managers anything, it’s that having photos of celebrities can really help boost a site’s traffic numbers. As this photo clearly indicates, like the Fox Network, I will do anything for ratings.
And despite visual evidence to the contrary, I was NOT drunk when this photo was taken… we here at TheImbiber.net pride ourselves on promoting responsible drinking at all times. That said, the ecstasy I’d taken that night really fucked me up.
To see more pictures of drugged-out booze writers and famous folk click here
It’s entirely likely TheImbiber.net will be embraced as the first Bible of the 21st Century Drinking Class. In addition to Dan Dunn's surprisingly thorough spirits reportage, we'll delve into his curious relationship with his squatter/roommate Bottomfeeder, a destined-to-be legendary wastrel who is unemployed, out of shape, clearly in need of some sort of intervention, if the restraining orders taped to the refrigerator can be believed. The informative wine and spirits material will be intermittently flavored with hilarious yarns involving unscrupulous agents, hapless Hollywood executives, porn-star neighbors and assorted other outlandish characters who exist within the author’s sauce-soaked domain. This site is part drinking guide (well, in the same way that “Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” is a child-care tipsheet); part bartender’s guide (well, in the way that “The Sun Also Rises” is a travel guide); and part expose into the sloshy world of big-time spirits reportage (well, in the way that “Airplane 2” exposed the truth about airline culture).
"Wine and spirits writer Dan Dunn will be the first to admit that he drinks more than he should. He loves his 'nectar from the gods' and shares the boozed-out debacle that is his life in this new book. Dunn is a constantly-plastered, womanizing smartass who’s, unfortunately, funny."
-- Alia Cruz, Sacramento News & Review
(Imbiber says: Guess we’ll file that review under “backhanded compliment.” Why is ‘unfortunate’ that I’m funny? Hmm…)
CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL REVIEW
"When it comes to drinking, Dan Dunn is a man who knows what he’s talking about."
-- Pete Nichols, The State News, Michigan State University
Click here to read the complete article
"Former Philly guy Dan Dunn has just released "Nobody Likes a Quitter (And Other Reasons to Avoid Rehab)" with Thunder's Mouth/Perseus Books. The booze writer, who blogs at TheImbiber.net, details drunken run-ins with Paris Hilton, Bono, Keanu Reeves, Kiefer Sutherland, Hunter S. Thompson and more in his book."
-- Dan Gross, The Philadelphia Daily News
"His ability to grab a reader's attention seems at points, effortless."
-- Lauren Smith, The Daily Gamecock, University of South Carolina
Click here to read the complete article
"Quitter is written in such a way that the reader feels more like he or she is hearing stories told by a slightly tipsy uncle than actually reading a book."
-- Carly Doenges, The University News, St. Louis University
Click here to read the complete article
"Dunn consumes nearly every known mainstream and indigenous intoxicant in North America and Europe while remaining ever so loyal to the Deadline, capital D, and his responsibility to his readers. "
-- Christopher Wanjek, author, Bad Medicine
Click here to read the complete article
"It's a job that sounds too good to be true. While many alcoholics end up begging for change on street corners, Dunn actually gets paid to drink for free."
-- Bianca Phillips, The Memphis Flyer
Click here to read the complete article
"Provocative and at many times raunchy, the book is hilarious."
-- Kelli DeWalt, The Hofstra Chronical, Hofstra University
Click here to read the complete article
"I have tippled and traveled with Dunn, and I know that at least some of these stories have some connection to the truth. As they say on television, do not try this at home."
-- Chris Rubin, The Los Feliz Ledger
Click here to read the complete article
“His hilarious memoir chronicles his voyages across the seas of booze-column stardom. Accompanied by a crew of quirky characters, including his freeloading roommate turned Hollywood superstar, Bottomfeeder, and a demonic, blackmailing attorney, The Beast, Dunn sets out to prove that sobriety is completely and utterly overrated.”
-- Andrea Bullard, The Pitt News, University of Pittsburgh
Click here to read the complete article
“Other parts of the book are dedicated to Dunn’s interaction with his roommate Bottomfeeder, a parasitic character for whom the reader would feel more contempt if Dunn himself were not so thoroughly annoying.”
-- Jason Engelhart, The Badger Herald, University of Wisconsin
Click here to read the complete article
Thank you from the bottom of my heart (that's where all the sweet stuff has settled) to everyone who ordered the book. If you haven't ordered the book yet, it's okay, I forgive you. But please do it now, or risk losing me forever. Just click on any one of the handy little Amazon.com links below. I've provided four of them, in consideration of those of you that may have poor eyesight and/or the shakes.
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