The Pitch:There are some things in life that are great to experience but only in small, infrequent doses. Foie gras, “American Idol,” Keith Olbermann and Country music come to mind. I’ll put Port into that category as well because the best of them boast outstanding flavors and bring an entirely new level of enjoyment to imbibing. That said, I can’t imagine drinking more than a snifter or two in any one sitting, no matter how delicious. A couple of bites of foie gras and few minutes of Keith Olbermann’s “Special Comment” usually suffice, too. Any more than that and it’s sensory overload. It has been a few weeks now that I have had the pleasure of sampling the Sandeman 20 Years-Old Tawny Porto, a gorgeous amber-hued elixir with strong fig notes harmonized with subtle hints of honey and vanilla. Since much of the Port I’ve drunk in the past has been of the heavy, sweet variety, to encounter one as light-bodied and satiny smooth as this was a welcome discovery. That seductive mellowness, I learned, is characteristic of Tawny Ports that are aged in wood barrels.
Movie Pairing:
Most of us have our go-to movies depending on our moods. Need a laugh? Watch “Billy Madison” for the thousandth time. Broken heart needs mending? “Love Actually” will help you heal. Feeling an itch for mindless destruction? See Rambo, John. When the mood for a Port strikes, try it with a movie like “The Doors,” a polished and satisfying epic that pairs well with the slow-sipping honeyed smoothness of the Sandeman. Like the Sandeman, a little Oliver Stone goes a long way.
What to serve it with:
Go sweet or go home. Keep a nip or two of the Sandeman nearby when you crack the brittle brown crust of a crème brulée. Caramelized sugar and rich, smooth custard paired with the light, nutty Sandeman should light your fire in a good way.
Price: $52
Imbiber Rating: 93
What’s the world’s biggest and craziest party? You guessed it, Carnaval in Rio. Ah Rio…long-legged bronzed babes, dental-floss bikinis, seductive samba-ing and oceans and oceans and oceans of Caipirinhas, Brazil’s intoxicating contribution to civilization. Don’t have the time or the scratch to make it down for the bacchanal? Then grab a rock glass, head over to your fridge, purloin a lime and some sugar and get to work. Trust me, it’s stupid simple.
Half a lime is all you’ll need. Quarter it up, put in a couple of teaspoons of sugar and muddle away. If you don’t have a muddler, a mini souvenir baseball bat will do just fine. Add a shot of Cachaça, Brazil’s retort to Rum, ice it up, shake it up and you got instant Carnaval in a glass. I’m starting to samba even as I write this! Don’t use a cheap ass, gut-rotting Cachaça that’s better for running your lawnmower, but not internal consumption. Opt for an artisanal brand like Leblon. Their distiller is French, a Cognac guy no less. They know what they’re doing. It’s smooth and fragrant. Your palate (and brain) will thank you the next morning.
If that recipe wasn’t simple enough or you’re just the laziest person on the planet, Leblon, in its infinite Brazilian kindness, is bringing the Caipirinha to a city near you through a promotion called “Caipi Hours.” It’s a play on Caipirinha and Happy Hours, get it? Anyhow, hip bars, lounges and restaurants in 50 lucky U.S. cities will be shaking up both classic Caipirinhas and new spins on the theme with crazy fruits and herbs. Get your gringo kiester to a Caipi Hour pronto. I’ll be there, sporting my dental-floss bikini, Caipirinha in hand. You were warned!
Wolfenbüttel is a town in Lower Saxony, Germany, located on the Oker river near Brunswick. Devoted fans of competitive strength competitions are no doubt aware that Wolfenbüttel hosted the three day International German Bus Pulling Championships in May of 2009, but to most people Wolfenbüttel is better known as the home of the herbal liqueur Jägermeister, which in turn is better known as the stuff that kicked my ASS while I was in Wolfenbüttel.
I plan to tell you all about this adventure in the very near future. But at the moment I'm staring down the barrel of a deadline for the manuscript of my next book, tentatively titled "Living Loaded: A Life-Affirming Journey to the Depths of Humanity... with cocktails." So in the meantime, here's a never-before-seen snippet from the book...
My job/lifestyle combo is like a supermodel serial-killer -- it might look great, and be a whole lot of fun, but it will cut your throat if you take your eye off it for a second. As the poet said, writing about music is like dancing about architecture. If that’s true then what I do is like smoking crack about crack. I am a professional risk-taker. I am the king’s taster: the Medieval peasant who got to live the good life, eating a steady diet of foie gras until his luck ran out and one of the one-in-a-thousand morsels with arsenic in it landed on his plate. There’s a saying among commercial deep-sea divers that “there are old divers and there are bold divers, but there are no old, bold divers.” This profession isn’t all that different. In a heartbeat that breezy walk in the park can turn into a sprint through the fields away from a tornado.
That said, it is the best job for picking up chicks. Too bad it’s also the worst for keeping them. In fact, writing this book is only serving to underscore the central conflict of my existence – on one hand, I want nothing more than for “Living Loaded” to become a huge bestseller because I’ve found that stunningly beautiful women are prone to sleeping with famous authors. On the other hand, if I do a truly great job at writing an unsparingly honest expose of my working life, any self-respecting woman who read it would rather date Tom Sizemore or Charlie Sheen or Eliot Spitzer before me.
Name: Keith Metz-Porozni
Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Age: 25
Where you’re from: Portland, Oregon
Where you live: Portland, Oregon
Company you work for: LANE PR
Brands repped: Widmer Bros. Brewing Co., Hood River Distillers, E&J Gallo Winery
Favorite bar: Scooter McQuade's - I'm guaranteed to loose my phone after a fishbowl of Adios Mother Fucker
Favorite drink: Widmer Bros. Drifter Pale Ale - it's a beer that snobs and Average Joes can both enjoy
Best-named cocktail of all time and why? Irish Car Bomb - The name is offensive on many levels
What’s the punchline to your favorite bar joke? So there I was, balls deep...
If you could have any famous person in history as a drinking buddy, who would it be and why? Murasaki Shikibu - after reading "The Tale of Genji" she seems like a real kick in the pants
The best thing to drink on airplanes is… water. uhhh, I mean...Broker's Gin straight up
People tell me I look like… a guy named Steve? People think I look like a Steve
In five years I hope to be… riding around on a Kawasaki Ninja 250R trying to look cool
If I could be anywhere doing anything right now, I’d be… traveling the far flung corners of the Earth
Beer or wine? Why? Beer - it costs too much to get smashed on good wine, but not on good beer.
Parting shot: There are plenty of ways to make a livin', but there ain't no better way to live
As alcohol trends go, I'm ready to ramble along any old road more-or-less taken. New designer vodka? Okay -- hey, I remember when infusion seemed crazy, but it was only kinky the first time. The whole Family-O-Bourbon small-batch collection? Nice. Family values are important.As a frequent contributor to the Imbiber website, it's important that I remain afloat in the lush culture of the American lush. But, with all due respect, I'm just not jumping onto the Blue Ribbon fad-o-rama bandwagon. Because -- what's up with that?
Portland, where I live in Maine, is famously a beer town. We have a half-dozen world class offerings and seasonal brews galore. We're even starting to get into the micro-distilled spirits and you can buy Maine vodka, but our alcohol of record is beer (it was once rum, but that's another story).
And Portland, alcohol-wise, has a special obligation to the rest of civilization. As the city where national prohibition first found favor, we carry a certain unique burden in the alcohol community -- at the very least, we should show a degree of originality. Thus, in a town where tasty locally created beer is easier to find than a parking spot -- actually, much easier -- the big trend is ... Blue Ribbon?
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